06/07/16

Skyping you right now and you dont even know
How happy you’ve made me
But also how sad, conflicted, confused, heartbroken, mad, upset, frustrated,
Depressed.
It’s starting to get bad again and i don’t know what to do

Then there’s you
I feel like i’ve betrayed you and i’m so sorry
You deserve much more
So i have to be strong and let you go

08/04/16

So it’s been a long time and a lot has changed
With boys, with life, with attitude
Does he miss me?
I feel so drained and unmotivated, it makes me question the purpose of even being here
alive.
It hurts to see them happy without me but I have only myself to blame
I’ll keep pushing them away because it’s the only thing I know how to do

17/11/15

hey so you already know that this stuff scares me. but that’s only because ive been hurt so many times, even if it was a while ago. i know i shouldn’t assume every guy i become close to is going to hurt me because i know that there are definitely exceptions out there. honestly i’d watch movies with you and stargaze with you and walk places with you, heck i’d stay up all at night just to spend time with you. you’re the kind of person i want to have adventures with. but anyways i guess what i’m saying is that you make me a little less scared because maybe you’re an exception. 

22/10/15

sctreat was really fun
talking with you was really fun
ill never forget your stories
and i hope you’ll never forget me

the big reveal left me confused and shocked

01/07/15

I don’t know how to get you out of my head

I love reading our old conversations

4 months seems like forever. 

27/08/15

I just love the way you touch me
and I love the way our bodies fit together
but I mean this in a way absent of sexuality
The warmth and delicacy of your hands and arms give me comfort
and the security of knowing there will be a next time
even though it is 4 months away
I already miss you
I already miss us

27/08/15

I will never forget our hugs
I will never forget our laughs
I will never forget our close worry
I will never forget you
I think I love you
Is it too soon to say?

18/08/15

it’s been longer than it should have
there’s a certain beauty and art behind writing down one’s thoughts
no matter how dark or destroyed they may be
because at the end of the day
at least you’ve acknowledged them

04/05/15

i just want to take you in my arms again and tell you all the stories that never made the distance
i just want you here with me and i know it’s selfish but this has been too hard
but sometimes i just want life to fade so i don’t feel pain

“And now you’re just a stranger with all my secrets.”

12/03/15

i’m back

this week was great and i feel like a new person (botg, braceless, short hair)

but how is the boy situation you ask?

clearly worse than your girl situation. 

i forgot how much it hurt